Make me bleed

19 03 2009

THIS IS not about food.  This is not about wristwatches.  I couldn’t give a damn about them right now.


This is about people who matter to me.  People I care about.


In life I have realized that I have been used to things changing.  I have been used to starting over.  But what and how I feel right now just tells me I spoke those words too much too soon.  Not even my own mantra of “This too shall pass” is making any sense.  And I feel so miserable I can snap the head of anybody who will utter to my face my own by-word as of late: “recessionista.”


I am in so much pain that I believe I need to cut myself open and make myself bleed just so I could actualize this kind of pain that has been eating me up since this morning.  I’m still whole, I don’t see blood dripping from me that could at least tell me I will eventually heal from this.  I have never felt how bad anything or anybody could hurt me.   Not until something hurt the people I care about.  Finally, I’m learning a lesson in pain.


What tears me apart and makes me even more miserable is that I feel so helpless as I see these people deal with the blow.  And I won’t even assume that I know how they feel.  Because to assume that is to be disrespectful to them.  Only they know how they feel.  Only they know how it feels.  And all I can do right now is to pray to God.  And ask Him to give these people the strength and the openness of mind.


I’m not writing this because I think I can make them feel good.  I won’t even attempt to pull them out of this situation.  All I want them to know is that they have friends.  And that I am one of them.


That they do not stand alone.


That they have my utmost respect and admiration for being the best in their field.


That they are in the thoughts and prayers of the many others who care about them.