Through 35 renewals

10 07 2009

I’VE ALWAYS believed that whenever someone’s birthday comes, all the energy that the universe has invested on the person gets renewed.  When this special day comes, it affords the person a chance to take stock of life and everything that has happened so far.  I’ve always believed that there is no other more hopeful day than the day you were born.  You are at that perfect point to look back, and of course, charge forward.

I look back to the year that has just passed, and I realize just how far off I am – still – from a lot of goals I had set up for myself.  I’m so aware about those specific moments when I had never felt how very far away I was from my dream than when I was standing right next to it.  I keep a notebook, right? So it is somewhere there on its pages.

A lot of things had gone on in my mind and in my life in the past year, foremost of which is having to say goodbye to a lot of people I REALLY hold dear to me.  This meant having to lose the comfort of the daily presence of some of my best friends.  Looking back now, I guess the underlying impetus to my putting up of this blog is to be able to keep those “conversations” with my closest friends.  When I wrote here about cooking for someone, I guess what I also wanted to say was that I wanted to do it for someone.  I wanted to do it so much I ended up writing about it again here.  When I wrote here about being not unhappy, I was most likely being not unhappy at the time.  And when I said that ‘“fall” is the operative word’, I guess what really was happening was that I might have been falling in love myself.

But if there is one thing that having to be away from people could give you, it is their effort to make you feel their love.  I woke up to a past-midnight phone call from my brother in the States.  And even in my half-asleep state, I was still very much me when I quipped, “Kuya, gift ko?!”  Hahaha!  But I’m not all about the gifts.  It is enough that people – especially those who matter to me – just remember.  And when I said they’d make you feel their love, what I really meant was that no matter where on the face of this world they are at this time – no matter the time zone – they remember.

I am thankful that I have reached this many number of renewals in my life.  I can’t really claim right now that I have lived a full life already and that I can go anytime soon.  Though the fear is always there.  And yes, I still have a long way to go to achieve what a “full” life may be.  I am single and it is a conscious choice to be happy and work on it.  Aside from family, nobody really worries about me.  I can’t say it suits me just fine.  But as I have said, it is a conscious choice.

All I really need today on my birthday is for people to remember me.  And they have.  And I appreciate their words and their messages.  Better now than in a memorial for me.  Hahaha!  Such a morbid thought!

And thanks a lot to all my wonderful friends who have always had a place in this blog – Friendship, Mother, Brother, Partner, Batman, Summit, Spider-man, Sagewin and Superman.  Having “airtime” and “print space” here means that you will always be special to me.  REALLY.

Love y’all!