Breaking to pieces

12 01 2011

IT STARTED with a frantic search for Clair Marlo’s song “Without Me”.  Just like how that song opens, I just had an inspiration.  And then around it I built a playlist.  Then one night, I put the songs on heavy rotation in my player – my lowly but trusty three-year-old Nokia 5310 XpressMusic – put the earphones on, closed my eyes, and laid in bed.  Before the opening verses bridged through the chorus, I opened my eyes wide and as if staring right at the thought bubble that had formed above my head, I had to ask, “Damn, am I really going through this?”

It felt like being in a movie and I was frozen in a frame.  In my head I was acknowledging the power of music in successfully encapsulating the moment in vivid detail.  For months, I’ve failed to articulate exactly how I have been feeling.  And when I felt I could, I refused to utter the words or write them down – lest I acknowledge them to be true and brace myself for the pain.  But with Ms. Marlo and company in the background, I knew just what kind of internal discourse has been going on inside.  “My world is gone. / And you carry on. / Without me./”

As a human being, I believe in dreams.  It’s more like the dream you stubbornly hold on to, unwilling to let go.  But when the time comes that you become willing to loosen your grip, you will do so not because you’re done with it.  Not because you totally can live without it.  Not because you don’t need it anymore in your life.  No.  As someone dear to me once claimed, you will let go but you won’t stop caring.  You won’t stop loving.  You won’t stop dreaming.

You will just be feeling all those things without being able to give it to someone.  I know the pain never goes away.  You just get used to it.

In life, you shall find that for the umpteenth time, your heart will break.  For so many different reasons, it will.  But the point is, you would rather know that it does than wonder if it already did.  And no matter how many times the heart shatters to pieces – makes you amazed just to how many pieces every single time! – it still sure beats the hell out of not even trying.  To care.  To love.  To dream.

Copyright © 2011 by eNTeNG  c”,)™©’s  MunchTime™©.  All rights reserved.

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2 responses

12 01 2011
melai

“But when the time comes that you become willing to loosen your grip, you will do so not because you’re done with it. Not because you totally can live without it. Not because you don’t need it anymore in your life. No. As someone dear to me once claimed, you will let go but you won’t stop caring. You won’t stop loving. You won’t stop dreaming.

You will just be feeling all those things without being able to give it to someone. I know the pain never goes away. You just get used to it.” >>> SUPER TRUE!

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12 01 2011
Alexis

First of all, finally, someone who knows that song! I love that one!

“But when the time comes that you become willing to loosen your grip, you will do so not because you’re done with it. Not because you totally can live without it. Not because you don’t need it anymore in your life. No. As someone dear to me once claimed, you will let go but you won’t stop caring. You won’t stop loving. You won’t stop dreaming.”

This line will forever resound in my head. But yes, sometimes, your heart needs to be broken for it to grow. It’s like hair. It may need to be trimmed off some dead ends for it to achieve its full, luxuriant potential.

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